


cold like coffee

by fairyshivers



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: F/F, i am soft, philip and lukas live happily ever after (ofc), warning: mentioned (child) death, warning: mentioned violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 03:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13091592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyshivers/pseuds/fairyshivers
Summary: there’s a new murder case in tivoli and helen is working together with kamilah and the fbi to solve it. but this investigation might bring more with it than a lot of coffee and long sleepless nights at helen’s house.





	cold like coffee

 

> **so leave the light on, i’m coming home**
> 
> **it’s getting darker, but i’ll carry on**

 

 

„I’m leaving.“ Philip’s voice cuts through her clouded mind. She looks up and sees him standing next to the door. „I’m going to the city with Lukas tonight,“ he says before she can even ask. „I already told you about it earlier.“ He looks a little worried but he doesn’t add anything more and just acknowledges her silent nod before sneaking out of the door. „Have fun“, she calls after him but she’s not sure he heard it.

Helen didn’t even notice that the sun already set and the world outside of the window is getting dark again. The day went by so fast. Her mind is focused on something else. She normally doesn’t take work home with her but usually Tivoli has no murder cases to solve and this special case won’t let her sleep. She tried it and failed miserably. (She’s letting this in too deep again and she knows it’s not good, but she can’t help it.)

 

Helen still remembers Tony’s voice on the phone when he told her about it. _They found the body of a five year old in the woods._ She still remembers how shocked he sounded and how weak his voice was. Tony knew the boy which is why Helen is trying to keep him out of the case. You shouldn’t need to see the cruel details of the death of someone you knew day after day. And besides she's got enough help with the investigation - Kamilah and the FBI are working together with her again - although it feels like that doesn’t help anything at all. They still haven’t gotten anywhere and the case seems to get cold.

 

The buzzing sound of her phone startles her and she gets up from the couch to look for it. It’s lying on the wooden kitchen table next to a mug of already cold coffee. The screen shows two new messages, both from Kamilah. _U still up?_ and _Can I come over?_ Helen sends her an O _kay_ as an answer before she takes the mug from the table and pours the cold coffee into the kitchen sink. Then she goes back to work which means staring at the crime scene photos and police reports that are spread out on the table like maps.

 

She is rearranging the photos and trying to get a different look at the details, when there’s a knock on the door. Helens greets Kamilah with a tired smile and lets her into the warm house. „It’s damn cold outside“, the other women states and takes off her grey winter coat. „I feel like I’m going ‘round in circles and I needed someone to share my thoughts with on all of this, so I left Jake with the babysitter“, Kamilah explains shortly. Then she strides over to the table to look at everything Helen piled up there. It’s good to see someone else so committed to this case. And it’s even better to not work alone. The two of them worked a lot together lately. They have two very different ways of looking at the facts and it feels like they get a better look at the bigger picture. Helen is grateful that Kamilah is the one to help her on the case, because she probably wouldn’t trust a stranger. Not after what happened with Ryan.

 

They work until past midnight: shuffling through files, exchanging thoughts, looking up details. Sometimes they talk, sometimes they remain silent. After Helen accidentally throws a glance at the clock, she decides to take a break. „Tea or coffee?“, she asks Kamilah while getting two mugs out of the cupboard. Kamilah looks amused though she mostly looks tired. „Do you plan on sleeping tonight?“, she mocks. „I’ll have a coffee.“ While Helen prepares their drinks, she decides that they should eat something too. „I can make us cheese toasts if you want some“, she offers and Kamilah accepts the offer with an approving nod. „I’ve barely eaten anything in the last days.“

 

Helen notices that it feels good to get her hands working on something more than holding papers or typing. She can actually tune out her thoughts on the case for a little while. When the coffee is ready she hands Kamilah her cup. The other woman takes it from her with a silent smile. Helen leans on the kitchen counter. They both take a sip of the hot coffee and Kamilah’s face eases a bit and her shoulders loose their tense position. She always seemed determinant and dedicated to her work but after Sita’s death she seems restless like the big amount of work isn’t enough to keep her mind occupied. She looks lost. She looks like Helen has been feeling for the past weeks since Gabe left.

 

They are not divorced, they are not even broken up exactly. It’s just that all the things they’ve been through with Philip and Lukas should have made them stronger - isn’t that what people always say? - but they didn’t. They were happy but it wasn’t enough. The little things just add up until they feel like a mountain that you can’t conquer anymore. They needed a break. And because Helen had her job as the sheriff, it was Gabe who left. He went to Europe for a month, then decided to stay another month. Helen isn’t sure what will happen after her gets back. She misses him, he was always someone she could lean on when things got too crazy.

 

She turns towards the counter again to prepare their simple dinner. It’s quick and easy, Helen has never been that much of a cook. Grilled cheese toasts are one of the things she can actually make without risking to mess something up. It’s not much but it’s warm and Kamilah is here so it is a hundred times better than eating chinese take out or cold pizza alone. (Which she did a lot the last days.)

 

Eating together gets her mind off the case which is a good thing. It’s way too bloody and way too cruel. Helen can already feel it crawling into her through her veins and making itself a dark home inside her. A child. Again. She knew from the first moment that this case would be one of those she’ll remember her whole life. (Even if she solves it. But not solving it would be so much harder to bear.) That’s why she’s so thankful that Kamilah is here but she’s a little worried about the other woman. Murders like this leave a stain on your soul you can never really get rid off. They get to you even if you try to deny it.

 

The two women chew on their meal in silence. This silence is so much more unwound than the tight silence that’s always there while they are working but Helen still breaks it after a while. „So, how are you holding up? How’s Jake?“ They have seen each other a lot the last days since Tivoli went crazy about the murder but they never really had the chance for more than a hello. Smalltalk was unnecessary. But right now Helen wants to take the chance and really talk to Kamilah. „I’m…“, the younger woman is searching for words before taking another sip of her coffee. „It’s hard“, she says then. „I never expected it to be easy, but… everytime I look at him, I have to think of Sita. I just miss her so much. Sometimes I don’t know how I’m still holding up. Some days I just can’t look at him.“ Her words have gotten lower with every word and she isn’t looking at Helen.

 

„You know that you don’t have to blame yourself for those thoughts?“, Helen asks and when Kamilah doesn’t answer she continues. „It’s not easy taking care of a child especially in your situation. I know it can be hard but I am sure you’re doing the best you can.“ Kamilah sighs and takes another sip of her coffee. When she looks at Helen she is smiling. Not the bright toothy smile she used to greet her with, but a calm and genuine one. „Most days I am so grateful to have him. If he wouldn’t be here, there would be nothing else left of Sita other than her memory.“ Helen takes Kamilah’s hand that is lying on the table and squeezes it. „You can always call me if you need anything.“ (She wants to add that no one needs to be alone, but isn’t she the one who always wants to block the rest of the world out?)

 

„You know what? We won’t solve this case tonight, no matter how hard we try. Let’s talk and get some rest, so we can work properly on it tomorrow.“ And that’s exactly what they do that night. They watch an old sitcom, make some more food and talk and talk and talk. Helen always liked Kamilah but they never had the time or occasion to really talk and it feels like they’ve been missing out. Time passes quickly but they are both exhausted and drift off to sleep before Philip comes back that night.

 

 


End file.
